I was asked on Twitter last night why, as a Hull City fan, I didn’t want Crystal Palace to beat Everton in the Premier League.  The scenario being that we wanted Everton to drop points, allowing Arsenal a better chance of reaching the top 4 and Champions League qualification, thus meaning that even if we lose in the FA Cup Final we would qualify for the Europa League by default.  Phew!

Unfortunately, I have an irrational dislike for Crystal Palace, a mental block if you will.  I can’t explain it.  Doesn’t every football fan have one of those clubs that they just can’t get on with?

Anyway, I started thinking about under what circumstances I could ever want Crystal Palace to win:

You see, my mental block doesn’t just include teams, it includes players also.  All will be revealed shortly.

Soon after, I started receiving tweets nominating other players who are equally as horrible as Barry, Beattie and Kenny.  The definition of ‘horrible’ being, well, just horrible, for whatever reason.

So here is the Horrible FC team, as put together last night.  I apologise if it is fairly Hull City-centric, most of my followers are Hull City fans, however if you want Horrible FC to sign other players just let me know who and why.

The Team

 

Paddy Kenny

Giving the finger to opposition fans is horrible.  As is ringing and texting staff at your previous club to mock their results.  This is Paddy Kenny people (the first offence v Hull City in 2006 and the second was aimed at QPR in 2012).  Horrible man.

Gareth Barry

Completely unrelated to football, Gareth Barrys horrible offence involved my mates (now ex)wife, a few years back.  The scumbag.

Sol Campbell

He should’ve been England Captain for 10 years.  Yeah, because he has all the qualities of a leader…..

Doing a runner from Notts County after 1 match is enough but then I saw this tweet last night:

Classy Sol. real classy.

To be honest, i’m not sure if it’s really Campbells account or not but the fact that John Cross follows him is enough for me.

 

 

Efe Sodje (nominated by @cathtiger)

Butter wouldn’t melt etc etc

Whilst we can’t see Sodjes elbows in the picture, we could ask Stuart Elliott what they look like after he got a close up view a few years ago, fracturing his cheekbone in the process.  Deliberate?  I wouldn’t like to say.  Horrible man.

Gareth Barry

Yes he’s in again.  My feelings towards him are that strong!  To be fair, I originally had him in the team 5 times so to now only be in it twice is a real feat.  The scumbag.

Pepe (nominated by @MarkBrown88)Mar

This.

‘Nuff said.

 

Dennis Wise (nominated by @NickQuantrill)

Nick relates Wise’s horribleness to games he played against Hull City, and it would be impossible to argue with him.

Add on the allegations of ripping his best mate off for £1m and you get a horrible man.  Allegedly.

Wise is the team Captain.  Mainly just to p*ss Gareth Barry off.

Lee Cattermole (nominated by @Chris_Ransom)

Not just a horrible player on the pitch (the 3rd highest Cards Per Match record in Premier League history) but seemingly plays life like he plays football.  Horribly.

 

El Hadji Diouf (nominated by @steveacko1975)

Do I need to explain?  He was responsible for this:

and, more horribly, this:

I think that’ll do.

 

James Beattie

Another one completely unrelated to football.  On a quiet night out at the Barbican in Birmingham, Beattie bumped into me, making me drop my drink of milk.  Not only did he not apologise, he sent one of his ‘friends’ over to demand that I apologise to him!  It all got a bit messy thereafter.

Duncan Ferguson (nominated by @FletcherTommy)

With 4 assault convictions and a prison sentence for headbutting John McStay on the pitch, how could we leave ‘Big Dunc’ out?

His only saving grace was the fact that when 2 burglars tried breaking into his home he caught one of them and put him in hospital for 3 days!

The Subs Bench

Samir Nasri (nominated by @NickQuantrill)

Nicks 2nd nomination, which I believe is another of those nominations for irrational reasons.  But then again, it is Nasri, so its probably completely rational.

Left on the bench with no chance of ever getting a game.  Just to be mean.

Danny Guthrie (nominated by @FletcherTommy)

For an explanation of why Guthrie is here, ask Craig Fagan.  Or look at this picture:

Yes, he broke his leg with that ‘tackle’.  Fagan was out for 3 months.  Guthrie was out for 2 games.

Cesc Fabregas 

Another Hull City related horrible player, Fabregas was investigated and charged by the FA for allegedly spitting at Brian Horton but was subsequently cleared.  Ok, fair enough.  But we all know he did it.  Plus, Michael Ballack says that he’s got previous too.  Unfortunately I can’t post the video that would let you decide as it has been blocked by UEFA.

Vinnie Jones

Just a horrible, horrible man.  Although this video of a half time team talk is funny:

Still horrible though.

Manager – Steve Evans

This post from @twoht says it so much better than I ever could: Steve Evans: Football Manager. Convicted Criminal. 

HORRIBLE!!!!

Director of Football – Neil Warnock (nominated by @ChrisPHull)

Does anyone not think Warnock is horrible?  Of course Jason Puncheon apologised for comments made on Twitter about Warnock, and was fined £15,000 for said tweets so we need to disregard everything he said about backhanders for playing time.  Don’t we?

Even without that though, he’s still a horrible man and perfect to head up recruitment of players.

 

That’s it, the most horrible team in the world!

Of course, if you disagree with any of the above or want to nominate players, tweet me or leave a comment.